CONTRIBUTION OF THERAPY IN CONTROLLING FIGHTS BETWEEN COUPLES

 Why do couples fight? The most common reason is that their deepest sense of connection is damaged by the words they choose to use when they are angry. Hearts may be right, but saying the wrong things can cause lasting damage.

Generally, people fight when their perspectives differ from each other. Some of them fight over things or events, whereas some of them fight to save their relationship. However, fights are a natural part of every relationship. The problem lies in how much your special person fights and how intense it gets with time.

Let’s explore the ways to solve this issue with marriage therapy and other methods.

But first, let's try and sort out some common causes of arguments most couples face.

Dive in!

Why Fights Get Ugly

Language analysis shows that in arguments, couples are not addressing each other’s fears but are misperceiving each other’s reactions. They mostly answer to the wrong concerns, leading to distorted communication.

Like people who speak different languages, words get repetitive, and voices get brassier as though automatic replication and volume overcome the absence of understanding. Louder and louder voices reflect the hurt feelings cycle.

Have you found yourself in the circumstances similar to any of these?

·         I thought we were having a civilized discussion. Why did you get so angry? (You are being unreasonable, emotional, and not listening)

·         I wasn’t doing something wrong. Why all the anger? (You are being too emotional and not listening)

Does this sound like an argument you have had with your partner, and you still don’t understand why it turned into a fight?

 

Defenses V/S Understanding

You may differ, but the reactions cited above are defensive and make things worse. Defending your actions and ideas means you can’t deal with whatever emotions emanate from your unconscious. To put it simply, you are refuting what was said, not communicating that you heard and understood what was being said to you.

 

Healthy And Unhealthy Responses

There are healthy and unhealthy retorts to the defensive pattern. Bulking your feelings and letting them turn into quiet but hardened resentments are unhealthy. So is becoming hostile with mean words or intimidation, talking louder until you scream over the other’s voice. The worse outcome is that either you give up on the relationship or unknowingly destroy it.

Developing new healthy actions and patterns is the hard part. It is especially challenging to change ingrained behaviors. For some reason, behavior therapy is suggested to people. Emotionally conveyed criticism can feel like an assault on one’s most profound sense of self. To make change easier, here is how we can define a healthy response:

·         Healthy is watching your emotions to fully understand and express accurately what you think you are hearing.

·         Healthy is listening to what is being expressed by the other person. They are angry and upset. They raise their voice to be heard. By choosing to listen instead of responding immediately, you are healthier.

·         Healthy is finding a way to show your partner that they are being heard.

These new healthy patterns and reactions communicate that you understand the other person.

How Can Therapy Help You In This Matter?

Working one-on-one with a therapist is one of the best ways to cultivate healthy internal life skills. The marriage therapy consultants look into the roots of your fighting and give the best solution that suits both parties. The consultants will also make you work out some practices and behavior changes that benefit both partners.

If you are looking for a marriage therapy consultant in your area, you may contact The Therapy Place for quick sessions at an affordable price.